76th street

Peaceful

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 22:56:11 -0400

It’s moments like these that make me realize the beauty in everything :’) Yes I still miss you Jessica Connell, I don’t know why I miss you the way that I do all I know is that I do. I still listen to classical music and think of how you would play while I lay and listen to every note. You mean so much to me. Sometimes I feel like you will ask me to come back, hahaa… I feel like we both know that will never happen though and I am ok with that. I have accepted that.

I feel no love nor pain as these days pass me by. Lonely have I been for a year now. Not feeling truly comforted here in Utah. So quite it is for me. Nor the sound of laughs in the distance make me feel at ease. I try not to listen to classical music living where I do now for I fear that some one may hear me cry while I remember the days that are behind me. I feel like my depression has no real pull on me to do right or wrong. I just don’t care anymore. If I die, I die, for my soul to take.. now or then, here or there, I do not care I am not scared.

Brother Foss passed a little while ago, I miss knowing he will not be back in NC when I return. :’( He was one of the few men that I looked forward to see at church.

What have I become, am I man? I feel like no man I see. I feel like a child looking for love from anything not just a mother. I just want someone to think of me in a way that they want to be with me, and I want to be able to love that person inside and out.

Love…

I hate how just seeing or hearing someone can evoke an emotion, so strong as it can cause so much pain. Emotions can physically and mentally cripple people.

I leave thinking of the great philosopher Alfred Lord Tennyson

‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

And I say it is better to have never loved at all than to loved and lost, unless thou art in love in thy moment.

Best Motivational Speech ~Secrets to Success, How Bad Do you Want it? {Full Speech}

Mon, 27 May 2013 00:56:14 -0400

Best Motivational Speech ~Secrets to Success, How Bad Do you Want it? {Full Speech}:

Follow me on Twitter! @Sherief_H89 https://twitter.com/Sherief_H89 Follow me on Instagram! @Sherief_H89 http://instagram.com/sherief_h89 Follow me on Faceboo…

Motivation 2

Mon, 27 May 2013 00:43:38 -0400

Motivation 2:

Subscribe if you aren’t already.

Be Great, Powerful Beyond Measure (Best Inspirational Video Ever Made)

Mon, 27 May 2013 00:39:48 -0400

Be Great, Powerful Beyond Measure (Best Inspirational Video Ever Made):

http://yuriyanischenko.com Edited by Eric Horner. Video footage from Snatch. Audio clips from Muhammad Ali’s speech, Rocky, and Coach Carter. Still photograp…

You kissed him, Crystal. Wow

Sat, 25 May 2013 04:13:32 -0400

I love you… you thought I was serious when I said it would be okay?! I was lying!!!! :’( but I guess you didn’t love me enough not too. I cannot do this I have to go… it hurts too much.

Wish I could delete my life.

Thu, 23 May 2013 02:18:00 -0400

I dislike my ex’s very much so. The all lied.. Every last one of them. Women are liars and ugh >:( it makes me so upset. I wish I could be happy by myself. I need to go drive. Wish me luck

Yupp -_- Woman hatting mood

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 01:30:08 -0400

Congrats

Happy 20th birthday :)

Wed, 03 Apr 2013 19:12:43 -0400

Hahaa didn’t think I’d get this far to be honest. Had suicidal thoughts last night :l after thinking that I am spending my birthday completely alone this time. This sucks. But I’ll eat some waffles and study and it will be just another day:] I wish I had just one person I could spend it with. That’s all :/ just to go out and hang out.. Welp, no need to wish for things you know will never come true. So long April 3rd, 2013.

So true, and it’s so hard to push them away. But we know...

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 06:19:06 -0400

So true, and it’s so hard to push them away. But we know we are doing it for the best : ‘(

And Finished

Fri, 08 Mar 2013 04:28:13 -0500

And Finished

Photo

Fri, 08 Mar 2013 04:27:09 -0500

Karma?

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 10:58:02 -0500

I had a horrible dream about my dad talking my mom out of getting my ccna… Sad thing is I know it could happen. :’( Then I wake up to my gf asking me what I thought about her going on a mission. Even worse :’( I don’t want to lose her.. why would she ask me that…

Why do I do this if it hurts me

Sun, 03 Mar 2013 03:48:38 -0500

You could compare this to love. But mine is classical music, for some reason it just makes me really happy like I have just taken my first walk outside in 1,000 years :)

The green pine trees, ahh.. and look not far up in the tree and there are birds. The birds chirping happily to each other. There is a stream to the right as walk! The water trickling through the rocks. While walking, a breeze blows and is not chilly for the sun is bathing us in her rays.. The smell of fresh green cut grass is carried in the breeze… And then it stops.

Sometimes though when I listen to classical music, I feel not love. I feel hate, I feel pain, I feel lost. I think of her. Not to be with her but of why she had left me. What was it that I did or was it that I did not. I will never know for if I talk to you it will only cause me pain. I also feel fear. I fear that I will fall into depression. I fear that I will not become what I want to become. And yet I act strongly about what I want to be, however, I know not. That is where my fear comes. How do I get where I am trying to go. Is it possible to go somewhere with no knowledge of where it is? What must I do to be not content but happy. Am I happy, and how is happy rated? How is love rated? My first thought was not to type my thoughts and feelings but to drive recklessly.

I talked to my mother, father, grandma, and little sister via skype tonight around 6pm UT time. We talk for about 2 hours… Why must I always think of death :’( I fear what I will do when I loose them…. It makes me cry.. I sit here on my bed trying not to cry out loud for fear that someone will hear…Sometimes I wish my life would end… In my sleep would be nice.. Car wrecks, pills, accidentally fall down the stairs..bridges, I want to see if there is anything after this life… I don’t know if there is anymore

I love you mom and dad… I really do <3 I’m sorry that I’m not what you wanted as a son.I’m a disappointment. I wanted to make you two proud of me, but all I ever do is let you two down and treat you horribly. I don’t feel fit to say I love you. I don’t.

Forgive me

9 crimes

Sat, 23 Feb 2013 20:34:24 -0500

There is a beautiful woman, she says this is not what I do.

It’s the wrong kind of place to be thinking of you.

It’s the wrong time for somebody new.

It’s a small crime, and I’ve got no excuse. Is that alright, give my gun away when it is loaded.

Is that alright?

If you don’t shoot it how am I supposed to hold it, is that alright?

Leave me out with the waste, this is not what I do.

it’s the wrong kind of place to be cheating on you, it’s the wrong time.

But she’s pulling me through, it’s a small crime and I have no excause.

Is that alright, give my gun away when it’s loaded.

Is that alright, if you don’t shoot it how am I suposed to hold it.

Is that alright?

Give my gun away when it’s loaded, is that alright.

Is that alright?

Is that alright with you?

is that alright?

Is that alright?

Is that alright with you?

No…

Nobody but you

Sat, 23 Feb 2013 18:35:23 -0500

It felt like falling in love for the very first time, I know you feel like this change you’re thinking about is for the better but please don’t. I need her by my side and she cannot see that she’s way to good for me. I pray she doesn’t realize that… I love her, yes I messed up bad…. I’m sorry :’( I swear it. It was a month ago ughh :( I’m glad I told her though because that’s what I would want. I don’t know what’s going to happen </3

I'm scred for us :'(

Sat, 23 Feb 2013 18:24:07 -0500

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fr7dAr9e98

Idk any more

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 01:20:21 -0500

I just broke up With Lindsey. She will not talk about our problems at all and it just kills our relationship. And she keeps busy all the time. I never see her. If she is trying I don’t see it. I’m sorry Lindsey… you just threatened to leave me, so I’m gone. You are not talking to me.

I've given you my all

Sun, 20 Jan 2013 01:49:15 -0500

But all you give me is your scraps. :’( I’m your bf for crying out loud. I love you and I treat you great… but I am being treated like shit. If you don’t want me or don’t have time for me don’t kill me on the inside slowly. Just hit me with your all and tell me. God damn it.

Sorrow

Sat, 10 Nov 2012 03:05:34 -0500

Even now as I sit here listening to classical music.. I think about our time we had together. I’m still a virgin and I miss you. I’d wish to be damned to hell if I could spend one more day with you… One more hour. Haa I’m tearing up again :’( I miss you Jessica Connell

Adorable :) Just adorable……

Fri, 09 Nov 2012 02:23:27 -0500

Adorable :) Just adorable……